


Love Myself

by TheInsaneFox



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alcohol, Clubbing, Gen, Hints of underage drinking, Mila is a serial monogamist who needs to learn to be her own person, Team as Family, Yuri and Sara try to help, past Mila/OC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 22:46:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16355708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheInsaneFox/pseuds/TheInsaneFox
Summary: Mila is reeling from a recent breakup and it's starting to affect her skating. When Yakov tells her to take some time off and figure things out, she feels more lost and hopeless than ever. Thankfully, she has Yuri and Sara to pick her up and help her learn how to love herself.





	Love Myself

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so excited to post this! This was such a fun project to be a part of and I'm happy I get to share it with everyone now!

Mila couldn’t believe it had happened again. She had been working on her new short program for weeks now and she had just wiped out while trying to do another double Salchow--a jump she considered her specialty. As she felt her ass connecting with the ice in another painful jar, she let out a frustrated noise. She was tired of ending up on the ground and failing her jumps.  
  
“Mila!” Yakov was barking at her from the other side of the rink. “What is wrong with you today? You’ll never be ready for Europeans at this rate!”  
  
“I know!” Mila snapped in reply as she pushed herself up from the ice. “You think I don’t know that?”  
  
She kicked the ice out of pure frustration, her toe pick sending pieces of ice shavings flying.  
  
This wasn’t like her. No matter how much of a mess her personal life had ever been, Mila had always prided herself on her ability to leave that shit in the locker room every time she came to the rink. So why was she not able to pull herself together? She felt like she was underwater, aware of her surroundings but not entirely there.  
  
Yakov let out a loud sigh, burying his face in his hands. “Mila, take a break. You’re not going to make any progress this way.”  
  
Mila ignored Yakov and stormed towards the center of the ice, once again taking the starting position for her routine. She could actually feel the exasperated sigh coming from her coach as he swore under his breath—something about idiot students and how they would drive him to an early grave.  
  
As the music started and Mila counted the beats in her head, she did her best to get lost in the melody. She was well known for her artistry and expression in her routines, and a large part of that was thanks to her ability to become completely immersed in the music. The routine was going relatively smoothly, each spin executed perfectly and every jump landed with exactly enough rotations until she hit the halfway point. Just as she went to dig her toe in for a proper triple toe loop, she felt something in her ankle give as she collapsed onto the ice with a pained cry.  
  
“Mila!” she could hear the entire team coming to help her up.  
  
Damn it! She mentally screamed at herself, pounding her fist on the ice in pure rage.  
  
All at once, everyone was around her, hovering and breathing her air. It took everything in her not to scream at them to back off, but thankfully Yuri saw the look on her face and saved her. “Come on, shit heads, give her some space!”  
  
Yakov approached her carefully, murmuring in a low voice to help keep her calm while Mila bit back tears of embarrassment more than pain. When Viktor moved towards her and tried to offer to help her up, she heard Yuri snarl at him to back off and held his hand out for her instead. With a grateful glance, she accepted it and allowed Yuri to help her hobble over to a bench outside of the rink.  
  
After pulling her skate off and a quick examination, it was determined that her ankle was only slightly strained and she would be fine again in a few days. But of course, that meant that Yakov looked her dead in the eye and said, “Go home Mila. Rest. If I see you near the rink anytime between now and next week, you’ll regret it.”  
  
“No! What about my routine?” Mila was doing her best not to cry  
  
“It will suffer even worse if you don’t rest.” Yakov snapped, losing all patience with his student.  
  
When Mila opened her mouth to protest again, Yakov held up a hand to stop her. “Look, your head hasn’t been in your skating lately. I don’t know what’s going on, and frankly, I don’t want to, but the time off will do you a world of good. So don’t come back until next week.”  
  
Without room to argue, Mila hung her head and began packing up her bag before heading to the locker room, pointedly ignoring Yuri as he tried to make eye contact with her. She refused to cry in front of her rink mates. So far as she knew, Yuri was the only one who had ever seen her do so, and it was only after a long night of drinking and a botched short program at Worlds. This was a trend she wanted to continue.  
  
Thankfully she was able to make it back to her apartment before she started crying, but once she started she felt like the waterworks would never end.  
  
A knock on her front door startled her, so she wiped her eyes and attempted to make herself presentable.  
  
Outside of her apartment was Yuri, standing there with a to-go bag from her favorite deli down the street in one hand, and a bottle of wine in the other.  
  
Not even waiting for an invitation, he just barged in and started pulling out the food and pouring her a generous glass of the wine. When he handed the glass to her, all he said was a simple, “Spill.”  
  
“Yurochka, what are you doing here?” Mila sighed but accepted the wine anyway.  
  
“Don’t play dumb with me, Baba. Something’s bothering you, and everyone at the rink knows it. Your skating has been off for weeks. What the hell is going on?”  
  
Mila didn’t answer, choosing to take a sip of the wine instead.  
  
“Is it because Sasha broke up with you?” Yuri’s voice softened a bit when he asked, like he already knew the answer.  
  
Mila choked on her wine, her eyes bulging comically. The knowing smirk on Yuri’s face meant he knew he’d guessed right, but he decided to wait for her to finish coughing and spluttering before pressing her to continue.  
  
“Who told you that?” Mila finally managed to croak out.  
  
Yuri shrugged. “Nobody, I just had a feeling. I’ll take your reaction as a confirmation though.”  
  
Unsure of how to respond, Mila opened her mouth and then closed it again. Thankfully Yuri was able to catch on to how uncomfortable she was with the admission, so he simply stated, “Well he’s an ass. I never liked him anyway.”  
  
Mila rolled her eyes and put her now empty wine glass down on the counter. “Yuri, I’m asking again, why are you here?”  
  
“What? I’m not allowed to come over when you’re depressed?” Yuri sneered, but it was lacking any real venom.  
  
“I’m not depressed!” Mila didn’t know why she was being so defensive. “Seriously, I’m fine. I appreciate your efforts, but I’m going to be okay.”  
  
Yuri was silent for a minute, the look he was giving Mila making her shift uncomfortably. He always seemed to know exactly what was going through her mind, even when she herself didn’t. She guessed it was part of the territory with having a close friend you never got a break from at either work or home, and most days she loved it. Today, however, she just wanted to be left alone to wallow in her misery.  
  
Yuri placed his glass down on the counter before walking back towards where he’d left his coat and shoes. “Look, I want to help, but it’s obvious you’re not going to let me. Just do me a favor and call Sara or something? Maybe she can get through to you.”  
  
A stab of guilt struck Mila’s chest. She knew Yuri had just been trying to help, and yet she’d pushed him away like--well, honestly like he usually would if the tables were turned. But that didn’t make his effort to help any less kind, or what she had done any less awful.  
  
“Thank you for coming over, Yuri,” She said, walking over to give her friend an awkward hug. “You’re the best adopted brother anyone could have.”  
  
She laughed as Yuri growled and shoved her away. “Ugh! We’re not related! Don’t go sounding like the gross old couple!”  
  
He left her apartment with a flash of a middle finger and a string of swears, but Mila was laughing so hard she was barely able to say goodbye.  
  
Somehow she felt a little lighter after that brief visit from Yuri. Maybe he and Yakov were onto something with this break thing.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Mila awoke the next morning to an incoming FaceTime call. She groggily sat up, wondering who the hell would be calling her at--okay, it was nearly noon, maybe she should get up.  
  
The name on the phone instantly brought a huge smile to Mila’s face so she answered without another thought.  
  
“Mila!” Sara squealed by way of greeting.  
  
“Hey girl,” Mila returned the smile, hoping her bed head and puffy eyes weren’t too hideous for Sara to look at.  
  
“Yuri told me last night that Yakov is making you take a week off. Is everything okay?” Sara wasted no time cutting to the reason she had called.  
  
Mila frowned, mentally noting that she would have to yell at Yuri for blabbing about this to people. She knew it was his way of trying to help, and that Sara was really the best person to try and cheer her up, but somehow it felt like he was meddling where he shouldn’t be.  
  
“Everything is fine, Sara. Just going through some stuff but I’ll get over it.”  
  
Sara clucked her tongue disapprovingly. She knew Mila was avoiding the topic and said as much. “If this is about that Sasha asshole dumping you, I will gladly come to St. Petersburg myself and gut him for you.”  
  
Mila actually burst out laughing at that. “That won’t be necessary but I appreciate the thought.”  
  
As they chatted, Mila felt herself gradually letting her guard down. Sara always had a way of doing that with her, and so somewhere between talking about everyday things and their skating, Mila finally broke down. She sat on her bed and cried into her camera, explaining to Sara how Sasha had dumped her right after the Grand Prix Final, and he had managed to completely destroy her confidence somehow. He’d been cruel in his words to her, and she just hadn’t been able to shake them since.  
  
“What am I supposed to do?” Mila sobbed, wiping furiously at her eyes in an attempt to pull herself back together. “I can’t get that jerk out of my head and it’s affecting everything in my life.”  
  
Sara let Mila cry herself out before saying anything. When she spoke, it was calm and steady, like she was trying to keep Mila from running away like a frightened colt. “I think what you need right now is to learn to be alone.”  
  
Confused, Mila cocked her head but bit her tongue to keep from saying anything until she knew Sara was done.  
  
“In the four or more years that we’ve been friends, I don’t think you’ve been single for longer than a few weeks.” Sara continued. “Think of this as an opportunity. Learn to love yourself a little more and not rely on someone else to know your identity.”  
  
Mila sat there for a few seconds, processing what Sara had just told her. “How do I do that?”  
  
Sara shrugged. “You’ll have to find that out for yourself. Start with something simple. Go out to the club. Dance your heart out and forget about everything else.”  
  
“That actually sounds like a great idea.” Mila finally smiled a genuine smile for the first time in what felt like forever.  
  
“Good,” Sara beamed. “Now go out and enjoy yourself! We’ll catch up at Europeans!”  
  
“For sure!” Mila grinned and said goodbye.  
  
Without giving herself a chance to second-guess the idea, she sent out a mass text telling her friends to meet her at her favorite club later that night.

 

* * *

  
  
The club Mila had chosen was in an old warehouse not too far from the neighborhood she and most of the other skaters at the rink lived in. It was large and crowded, the bass of the music thumping loudly enough to be heard from outside. The club managed to somehow be both hip and obnoxious, which was exactly her style.  
  
Beside her Yuri, Georgi, and a few others from the rink were chatting amongst themselves while they waited in line for the bouncer to let them in. She had decided to invite everyone because she realized how small her social network was outside of ice skating, but that wasn’t the point of the night. Tonight was about her just having some fun and forgetting the possibility of any new romance that could come from this place. Tonight was about Mila, and nobody else.  
  
When the bouncer finally let them in, he winked flirtatiously at her. She wanted to say something but after feeling a gentle squeeze on her shoulder from Yuri, took a deep breath and decided to let it go. From there, she gave the bouncer a small smile, then walked into the club after her friends.  
  
The music was so loud that none of them could talk, but Mila and Yuri didn’t even have to say anything to know that they each wanted to head straight to the bar. Once there they had to scream to get their orders, but it was worth it since Mila knew how great their drinks were.  
  
After she finally got her drink, she turned to try and say something to Yuri. But the look of sheer hatred on his face stopped her in her tracks. It was a look more savage than he had ever even given JJ, and when she turned to see who he was glaring at, he grabbed her shoulders and mouthed “no!” at her.  
  
Of course, Mila didn’t listen. So she shrugged his hands off and spun around before he could stop her.  
  
What she saw should have shattered her heart. It should have brought everything to a grinding halt and should have destroyed what little shred of confidence she had left in herself.  
  
After the initial feeling of shock wore off, Mila had to take a second to realize something. Where she was so sure she would feel betrayal, hurt, or even disgust--there was nothing. She was staring at Sasha, her ex-boyfriend who had only recently dumped her, making out with another girl against the bar. And somehow, she realized that she no longer cared. She couldn’t explain it, as there was no real reason why the switch had been flipped in her, but it was such a freeing moment that she decided to ride this wave and not question it.  
  
Suddenly everything Sara had said earlier about learning to love herself made a little more sense. She smiled and turned to Yuri to ask him if he wanted to go dance.  
  
Yuri was clearly confused but must have decided to let it go because he simply shrugged and followed Mila out onto the dancefloor. After they reached a spot with enough room for the two of them, they both threw themselves into the music.  
  
Everything about the night felt like a huge weight had been lifted off Mila’s shoulders. Realizing that she didn’t give a damn about Sasha anymore was the best thing that could have happened to her. And as an upbeat song blared over the speakers in the club, Mila knew it was all going to be okay. She was her own person and was slowly learning that her worth did not rely on her relationship status. As the singer in the song talked about dancing on her own, Mila could feel the lyrics resonating with her. She was someone who deserved love, and as she danced she vowed to learn to give it to herself before she brought another relationship into her life.  
  
So she ignored everyone else around her and danced without caring what she might have looked like. Every time some asked her to dance, she said no. And when she threw her head back and rocked her hips in time with the music, she felt like everything was slowly falling into place. Sasha could no longer hurt her and she was invincible.  
  
She would have to remember to thank Yakov for the break when she returned to the rink.

 

* * *

 

  
  
Walking out of the club after the night was over, Mila linked her arm with Yuri’s as they walked to where their Uber driver was waiting for them.  
  
“Are you okay, Baba?” Yuri asked quietly, as if afraid of shattering the image of the night.  
  
“Honestly, Yurochka, I haven’t felt this great in a long time.” She beamed. “I’m going to talk to Yakov too about maybe changing my theme around for next year. I got an idea tonight that I think he’ll like.”  
  
“Oh? What’s that?”  
  
She winked and ruffled Yuri’s hair. “My theme is going to be Love Myself.”  


 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, come scream at me on [Tumblr](http://theinsanefox.tumblr.com) and/or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/FoxyLovesFandom)! (Fair warning that my Twitter is locked, but only reason I won't approve you as a follower is if you're an anti)


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